When everything isn't okay

Life hits me in the face, quite a lot more than I'd appreciate.  And, I mean, it's nothing I can't handle, ya know?
It just gets annoying.
I realize that times when I feel like quitting are just times to keep going strong.  To not give up.  But some days, curling up in a ball and crying and shutting out the world seems like the easiest thing to do.  I feel so alone here.  And that's mainly my own fault.  I have not stepped out of my comfort zone lately to try and make friends.  I am afraid of being rejected, of having people dislike me from the beginning.  And although that's never really happened, I still fear it.
I fear making a joke that nobody laughs at.  I fear saying something and having people look at me like I'm weird.  That's why I keep to myself.  That's why I listen instead of speak.
I'm a sophomore in college.  School is old news to me.  It's, sadly, already become a routine, especially this semester.  I'm no longer having fun learning.  I'm apathetic.
My three best friends(and seemingly only friends) from college are all studying abroad this semester, leaving me to myself.
My boyfriend of nearly a year lives an hour and a half away, which really isn't that far, but when I feel like he's the only person I have at times, it's like traveling across the globe.
My mom tells me to reach out and be friendly.  I know I can do that, but the question is, when?  When am I going to get out of this ongoing slump?  When am I going to invite someone over for coffee or tea?  When am I going to suck it up and be proactive?
I do not know.
My dad says it's okay to be alone.  And I realize that, but it freaking hurts.
It sucks not being able to see my best friend, Marielle, whenever I want.
It sucks not being able to hug Ethan whenever I want.
It sucks not feeling welcome.  Or when I am invited to something, I feel like I'm invited out of obligation.
It sucks not knowing what to do with myself, so I choose to get on the internet for hours and hours a day, ultimately giving myself a headache and a crappy mood.

I cannot wait for this semester to pass.  I'm ready to move out of Tulsa and onto the next chapter in my life--UCO.  It's not a private school like TU.  It's a lot bigger than TU.  There are tons more people there than at TU.  But I am so excited for something new.  I'm ready to, in a sense, reinvent myself.  For the better.  I'm ready to be friendly and outgoing.  But not that outgoing so that other people can't get a word in.  The good outgoing.
I'm so ready for the transition.

This is a time of growth, and I realize that.  I believe that this state I'm in is all a part of God's plan for me.  I'll come out of this slump knowing that I am stronger.  I've got to just keep focusing on all the blessings in my life, even when it's incredibly hard.

I know this isn't like my normal posts.
But, I needed to be honest and get that out, whatever it was.

Phewww.